How to Deal with People Who Get Upset When You Set Boundaries

One of the biggest fears women have when setting boundaries is dealing with people’s reactions—especially when those reactions involve frustration, disappointment, or even anger.

You might wonder, “They’re not used to this. What if they don’t like it? What if they think I’m being selfish?”

I hear you. And I get it. Setting boundaries is already challenging, and when others push back, it can stir up guilt, anxiety, and second-guessing. But here’s the truth: how people respond to your boundaries is not your responsibility. It’s a reflection of them, not you.

So, how do you navigate these situations with confidence and grace? Let’s talk about three powerful shifts that will help you stay true to yourself—even when others don’t like it.

1. Don’t Take It Personally

I know—this is easier said than done. But when someone gets upset at your boundary, their reaction is about them, not you.

People react based on their own beliefs, conditioning, and expectations. Maybe they’re used to you always saying yes. Maybe they feel entitled to your time. Maybe they’ve never learned how to manage their own discomfort.

But none of that changes your right to set limits.

🔹 Instead of thinking, “They’re upset because I did something wrong,” reframe it to:
👉 “They’re upset because they expected something different.”

🔹 Instead of thinking, “They’re mad at me, so I must have hurt them,” shift to:
👉 “They’re having feelings about my boundary, and that’s okay.”

The more you practice this, the more empowered you’ll feel to set boundaries without feeling like a bad person.

2. Show Compassion—Without Trying to Fix

Many of us were taught that if someone is upset, it’s our job to make it better. We rush to soothe, explain, justify, or even reverse our decision just to keep the peace.

But here’s the thing: fixing isn’t the same as caring.

True compassion sounds like:
💬 “I hear that you’re upset, and I understand this is hard for you.”
💬 “I care about you, and I hope you can understand my decision.”

What it doesn’t sound like:
🚫 “Okay, fine. I’ll do it.”
🚫 “I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to upset you. Let me fix it.”

You can hold space for someone’s feelings without sacrificing your own.

3. Be Curious Instead of Defensive

When people challenge our boundaries, our instinct is often to over-explain—going on and on, trying to get them to understand why we set the boundary. We think that if we can just make them see our side, they’ll stop being upset.

But here’s the thing: Most of the time, they’re not looking to understand you—they’re looking to be understood.

So while you’re explaining away, they’re not even listening. They’re just waiting for their turn to push back. Instead of engaging in a debate, try shifting into curiosity.

Try saying:
💡 “I hear that this is upsetting for you. What about this feels hardest?”
💡 “I understand that this isn’t what you were expecting. Can you tell me more about how you’re feeling?”

This doesn’t mean you’re agreeing to their demands—it just shows them that you respect their emotions, while still honoring your boundary.

What If They Still Don’t Accept Your Boundaries?

Not everyone will react well to your boundaries. Some may try to guilt you, pressure you, or even lash out. But their discomfort does not mean you should abandon yourself.

A few reminders:

• You are not responsible for managing others’ emotions.
• People might need time to adjust—and that’s okay.
• People who care about you may not always love your boundaries, but with time, respect, and communication, they can learn to accept them.

And if someone continuously refuses to respect your boundaries? That’s important information about the health of that relationship.

Want to Feel More Confident Setting Boundaries?

You're not alone in this journey! Join my free Women’s Circle, where we support each other in setting boundaries, stepping into our power, and reclaiming our self-worth.

Click here to join—it’s free!

Final Thoughts

Setting boundaries isn’t about pushing people away—it’s about creating healthier, more authentic relationships. The more you honor your needs, the easier it becomes to navigate others’ reactions without guilt.

So today, I invite you to reflect: Where in your life have you been avoiding setting a boundary out of fear of someone’s reaction? And what would change if you trusted yourself enough to hold firm?

If you're ready to go deeper, my course, "Break Free: 3 Keys to End People-Pleasing", will give you practical tools to break free from guilt and start honoring your truth.

Explore the course here and start your journey.

You’ve got this—and you deserve to stand in your power. 💛